Accused of abuse by mother and children - HELP!

[Ash]

I am really sorry to hear this. I am sure you won't be alone with that kind of report. They don't see alienation and decide that the children are in the middle of conflict (solely caused by the ex of course) so then can just decide to give them to one parent. It is so biased though isn't it?

Did they see the children with you at all, or just with the ex.

Don't give up because there's a chance to overturn this further down the line, and if that fails then an appeal is an option. Another Dad on here got left with supervised only indefinitely at a final hearing, appealed and got a full order.

They must be thick not to see it's only happened since the 50/50 order and unfortunately they are playing right into your ex's hands.

ISW report sounds like a good move. And keep remembering the line "Why would children who had a loving relationship with a parent for x years, suddenly decide they hate him?" Drop that in there at some point if you can.

It's shocking how these social workers are so blinkered.

 

[Pacific16]

Thank you. This is exactly our position. The children have always lived with me to include overnight stays, yet as soon as we’ve moved to 50/50, a use is alleged and extended to partner and both my parents. How likely is it that 4 people will abuse children having fought so tirelessly for 50/50, given up jobs, relocated, etc. plus it’s my parents who have funded the £70k so far tk get to that point.

Also of importance to us is that mum, having had abuse claims dismissed by the court in 2017, has taken them to the children’s GP, school, social media & social worker (all documented) plus parents at the gate (they have said to us). It’s impossible for mum to have sheltered the children from her true feelings, and now they are mirroring the same claims, to include adult language “controlling”, “feeling depressed”.

I just cannot believe all this is ignored.

 

[kadafi9]

Sorry to hear mate, I am going through a similar nightmare, false accusations after I informed my ex partner I would be filing for divorce.

She then refused to return the children to me, they were 2 & 4 at the time a few months ago, now 2 & 5. The children then went in to nursery/school and told staff I used to harm them. This was 6+ weeks after I had seen or even spoken to them. Both children had been at nursery/school for years prior and no disclosures made so its obvious the mother has coached them in to saying such things, however this seems to be totally disregarded and you are faced with being guilty on mere accusations and manipulation.

 

[Pacific16]

Sadly it’s affecting a lot of us. There is absolutely no evidence at all beyond the children’s voice, but this has all been taken at face value. They have drawn pictures with the social worker of mum’s house and dad’s house, and written that they hate everything and everyone in dad’s home, whereas mum’s is amazing, happy…”dad not allowed in!!”

I have over 300 photos and videos that I have compiled to show how happy the children are with me and family, that take is right up to the day mum phoned the police. I am hoping to show that their rejection of dad is extreme and disproportionate compared to their actual reality, which I believe is a major red flag of PA. They also repeat her adult language…another red flag.

And to stress again, all the school safeguarding records state how I have concerns for their emotions al wellbeing and appeals and instigated professional expert support as such. I just don’t get why the social worker has overlooked all of that and remains adamant that I am abusing the boys.

My understanding is that the symptoms of abuse, and symptoms of parental alienation are the same, and therefore why has a social worker fallen on the side of abuse, without any consideration of alienation?

I am at a loss and praying a solicitor, barrister will pull apart the report, and the judge who has overseen the case for 7 years will question the allegations, given she’s made them before, the judge dismissed them all, and mum kept applying to reduce the boys time with me. I’ve only ever asked for 50/50.

Throw in I am the keynote lecturer on safeguarding at the most prestigious teacher training uni in the UK, and lecture on emotion coaching, how is all of this being missed?!?!

 

[Pacific16]

So an update…we have now received the section 7 report. An incredibly difficult read as the children “never want to see dad again” (they are 8&9). Again, we have done absolutely nothing wrong and have put in every intervention possible, through school and privately, to support them emotionally because of the negative messaging they get about dad.

However, here we are and the social worker has missed the lot. We are due in court for the FHDRA next week and hope for an ISW to investigate parental alienation specifically.

Contact will probably move to a contact centre, (what are they like?) as currently are supervised my mother in law who the boys live with. It’s so painful.

Again, just reaching out searching for some or any reassurance, that others may have been through this and got to a better outcome, 50/50 (which is what we had) or even full custody of parental alienation was proven.

 

[Peanut 21]

It is gut wrenching when the children say that. And it's not normal.
My partners children who are older than yours said similar to yours.
His outcome isn't very positive so I won't go into it as there will be other people on here with better results to give you hope. Just to add, with older kids it tends to be a different outcome with the agencies involved so there should be something more positive with 8/9 year olds involved.

A contact centre will be better than with the ex m.i.l as they're neutral. Some write reports so you can get evidence to show how the kids react to you out of sight of influences.
Be prepared for every single word being typed up. It's weird reading CC reports. I went twice to see my step son so have a little bit of experience of them. The staff were all friendly and kind.

 

[nothernsoul]

So, so sorry to hear this.

Firstly, try to see them as family centres. The word contact makes us out to be villains already and we are not.

My experience with the family centres was amazing, I hadn't seen my two for about a year and I was so scared going in.

I bought each of mine a Lego set and hid them around the room. We then started to complete these during the first hour of time we had and continued in the subsequent weeks.

It is a difficult experience at first. Being watched and recorded and under scrutiny caring for fhe people you love most in the world.

See it as a huge opportunity though. Make contact with the family centre before you go via email and just ask about bringing gifts etc. I had a detailed report within 24 hours of each visit.

Any questions please ask and keep going mate.

 

[Pacific16]

Hi all

It’s been a while since I have posted here so thought I would post an update.

In early October we attended the FHDRA where M’s position was clear…we now have a section 7 report which says dad is abusing the children and so they need to live with me. Our position was we disputed almost the entirety of the report and could provide evidence and justifications why it was not conducted fully nor impartial. We suggested the social worker provides an addendum, but judge immediately jumped to a fact finding hearing set for March.

I am delighted as the judge was clear that she wants to test mum’s allegations that I am abusive, alongside our allegations that she has manipulated the children. Mum tried to object to this and again said children just now need to live with her only forever more, because we have all the facts. Judge very firm with her and said we don’t have any facts…only the court will determine these at a hearing. All we have is a disputed report.

Mum was furious as she knows she will be exposed.

We have since exchanged allegations and safe to say I have nothing to worry about, as she has not provided a single exhibit to back up her claims. Which she can’t have because they are false. In contrast, we have 78 exhibits to evidence her manipulation and untruths to school, children’s GP, etc about me.

The saddest thing is of course, the children are still really hostile to me when I see them, but we now have a family support worker who can see what is going on and recommending that I may be the victim of abuse from M here. At last someone is listening!!!

 

[Peanut 21]

I'm really pleased for you.
A huge part of the battle is getting the relevant people to believe you.

 

[Pacific16]

I couldn’t agree more. The sad thing is that the social worker did not believe me. However, I made a subject access request to the local authority, which included notes of minutes, emails, etc.

This revealed the school had never raised any concerns regarding me or children’s
welfare to the social worker. The police report (M called the police to trigger the start of the process on first day of the summer hols) revealed the children had not made any disclosures of harm either. Yet the social worker wrote in her report that the children have made consistent disclosures to both. We can now prove this is untrue and the only one to ever have raised concerns is mum. Her report even has a comment that it must be noted no one has ever raised concerns…only mum.

Yet suddenly 2 days later, having been unable to identify any concerns about dad to police or school, they have been able to recall incident after incident (all false) to the social worker, having only been with mum inbetween. Furthermore, mum has repeatedly alleged domestic abuse by me to social worker, school, children’s GP, social media…yet the same judge dismissed these in 2017 and again in 2018.

At long last we have someone listening and who can see it. I cannot tell you how relieved it makes you feel that the abuse BY mum is no longer invisible. The family support worker is concerned I may now be the victim of abuse from mum.

 

[mainstay92]

I couldn’t agree more. The sad thing is that the social worker did not believe me. However, I made a subject access request to the local authority, which included notes of minutes, emails, etc.

This revealed the school had never raised any concerns regarding me or children’s
welfare to the social worker. The police report (M called the police to trigger the start of the process on first day of the summer hols) revealed the children had not made any disclosures of harm either. Yet the social worker wrote in her report that the children have made consistent disclosures to both. We can now prove this is untrue and the only one to ever have raised concerns is mum. Her report even has a comment that it must be noted no one has ever raised concerns…only mum.

Yet suddenly 2 days later, having been unable to identify any concerns about dad to police or school, they have been able to recall incident after incident (all false) to the social worker, having only been with mum inbetween. Furthermore, mum has repeatedly alleged domestic abuse by me to social worker, school, children’s GP, social media…yet the same judge dismissed these in 2017 and again in 2018.

At long last we have someone listening and who can see it. I cannot tell you how relieved it makes you feel that the abuse BY mum is no longer invisible. The family support worker is concerned I may now be the victim of abuse from mum.

Just looking at the claims having been dismissed in 2018 and 2019. Shocked they are allowed bring same claims again and again. Have you ever had a fact find?

 

[Pacific16]

Hi. Thanks for asking. In 2017 Mum did exactly what she has done this time. Made unsubstantiated claims of abuse as leverage for the children to live with her. In 2017, the judge set a fact find and M rapidly withdrew all allegations (probably as she knew they were false). Therefore, court dismissed all allegations.

She has done the same this time, and again judge has ordered a fact find for March. M objected though as she thought the section 7 provided the facts and she had managed to dupe the social worker. Judge highlighted the difference between a report and facts though, and fact find set for March. M has gone so deep in with allegations this time that she cannot back out again, which as painful as it is in the short term, is great for us in the long term as the evidence is overwhelming against M, and will show the court her ongoing attempts to alienate the children from me…this just being another attempt at the same strategy as before.

 

[mainstay92]

Hi. Thanks for asking. In 2017 Mum did exactly what she has done this time. Made unsubstantiated claims of abuse as leverage for the children to live with her. In 2017, the judge set a fact find and M rapidly withdrew all allegations (probably as she knew they were false). Therefore, court dismissed all allegations.

She has done the same this time, and again judge has ordered a fact find for March. M objected though as she thought the section 7 provided the facts and she had managed to dupe the social worker. Judge highlighted the difference between a report and facts though, and fact find set for March. M has gone so deep in with allegations this time that she cannot back out again, which as painful as it is in the short term, is great for us in the long term as the evidence is overwhelming against M, and will show the court her ongoing attempts to alienate the children from me…this just being another attempt at the same strategy as before.

I think aswell once u have the fact find, they cannot use the same allegations again. Fact finds are hard on everyone been questioned isn't easy but my friend won his. The Judges are seeing the same alleged allegations day in day out. I think unfortunately it's the laws allowing this behaviour from mothers. You can apply for costs too If you win your fact find

 

[Pacific16]

Thank you. I have submitted a claim for costs with my allegations, obviously stating pending outcome, as M keeps alleging the same without any evidence at all, and school, therapist, police, GP, are all saying exactly the same. There are no safeguarding concerns.

 

[mainstay92]

Thank you. I have submitted a claim for costs with my allegations, obviously stating pending outcome, as M keeps alleging the same without any evidence at all, and school, therapist, police, GP, are all saying exactly the same. There are no safeguarding concerns.

Are you using the school, therapist or police as witnesses in the fact find? How many days is it? I think you will be ok, was same in our case had all the back up and won

 

[Pacific16]

We have reports from the therapist, the safeguarding records from the school that are glowing of my attempts to support the children, as the police already. Very unusually in these cases, we have 2 lodgers/friends who have lived with us and the boys for 6 years. Both DBS checked and both are our witnesses to refute any of the claims.

It’s about as water tight as you can get.

 

[Pacific16]

It’s a 2-day fact find with social worker called for day 1. She refused to speak to any of the above as stated in her report that “they may have been biased”. Therefore in effect, has only listened to mum who has never witnessed anything. It’s already been stressed by the judge that the social worker’s job is to bring all evidence to court, and for court to decide the facts. She hasn’t done that…

 

[Pacific16]

Sorry…I meant to ask. What did ‘winning’ look like? Were you the respondent to allegations and when you won, ie the allegations were found to not be fact, did you have any counter allegations? Did they go in your favour? What then happened re costs? How did the child arrangements play out after the fact finding?

Sorry…loads of questions but trying to understand the possible pathway.

 

[Ash]

You might need to cross examine the social worker, if she herself is biased.