ABH and chances of getting 50/50

[Sidaggers]

Hi guys new to this so just putting my story out there any feed back would be much appreciated.
Me and the ex partner broke up she got me arrested when I found out about the new guy which moved in straight away, which she lied about .. she has allegations on me for common assault/ controlling behaviour and threats to kill, which I am sure did not happen
So since taking her to court and her receiving a court letter her family have stopped access to my son and my allegations on her for ABH are going through police cps etc .. I have videos of her attacking me along with pics dated of black eyes so hoping she gets done for that. Just trying to be realistic about things as I’ve heard they favour the mothers, am I likely to get 50/50 is there anything else I can do as Cafcass and police are taking forever .. 5 months have gone past. We have had one court hearing and there was level 2 police checks on the ABH but not heard anything as of yet .. I guess my main question and what I’m worried about is am I likely to get 50/50 or even 60/40 me and our son had a great relationship and I want to have a good relationship with him just want to be realistic about things so I kinda know what to expect as not knowing is killing me
Many thanks

 

[Sidaggers]

Hi guys new to this so just putting my story out there any feed back would be much appreciated.
Me and the ex partner broke up she got me arrested when I found out about the new guy which moved in straight away, which she lied about .. she has allegations on me for common assault/ controlling behaviour and threats to kill, which I am sure did not happen
So since taking her to court and her receiving a court letter her family have stopped access to my son and my allegations on her for ABH are going through police cps etc .. I have videos of her attacking me along with pics dated of black eyes so hoping she gets done for that. Just trying to be realistic about things as I’ve heard they favour the mothers, am I likely to get 50/50 is there anything else I can do as Cafcass and police are taking forever .. 5 months have gone past. We have had one court hearing and there was level 2 police checks on the ABH but not heard anything as of yet .. I guess my main question and what I’m worried about is am I likely to get 50/50 or even 60/40 me and our son had a great relationship and I want to have a good relationship with him just want to be realistic about things so I kinda know what to expect as not knowing is killing me
Many thanks

Sorry forgot to mention I’m self employed so have a flexible job so can take him to nursery etc whilst the ex works silly hours and nanny n grandad help her out a lot … there are also 2 others kids involved 3 kids 3 dads not sure if that comes into consideration

 

[Ash]

What did the Cafcass safeguarding letter say? If you've both made allegations, they sometimes order a fact find hearing or they comment on "conflict between parents". The key to 50/50 is usually to show that you're willing to co parent amicably with the ex. Whatever she does or accuses! So it shows her as the only hostile one. It isn't always a level playing field - they do tend to favour Mothers and might put the ABH down to "historical" things before separation. The only thing they are concerned about really is, is the parent safe to parent the child - rather than what the parent has done to the other parent. On the other hand if she seems to be a risk to the child, then they might consider 50/50 for that reason as well. But unless social services have said she's a risk to the child, that's not likely.

What happened at the one hearing you had?

 

[Sidaggers]

What did the Cafcass safeguarding letter say? If you've both made allegations, they sometimes order a fact find hearing or they comment on "conflict between parents". The key to 50/50 is usually to show that you're willing to co parent amicably with the ex. Whatever she does or accuses! So it shows her as the only hostile one. It isn't always a level playing field - they do tend to favour Mothers and might put the ABH down to "historical" things before separation. The only thing they are concerned about really is, is the parent safe to parent the child - rather than what the parent has done to the other parent. On the other hand if she seems to be a risk to the child, then they might consider 50/50 for that reason as well. But unless social services have said she's a risk to the child, that's not likely.

What happened at the one hearing you had?

 

[Sidaggers]

Cafcass is basically mentioning my allegations and I feel they are doing that because she got me arrested first, she’s done this before with a previous ex so she knows the game .. my barrister said it’s best for it to not go to a fact finding which court agreed as the ex is likely to come out with more false allegations, because I’m on bail my mum has had to try to contact the ex but has been blocked several times and manipulated, even by the ex mother in law clearly stating in a text message saying I won’t be able to have access to my child as I’m taking the ex to court so I feel like we are trying to be negotiable. Social services are terrible I had a video of her middle child saying mummy hurt me and they did nothing … I’ve never hurt my child if anything tried to protect him and the other children from her kicking off which is shown in varied text messages.
So basically first hearing was no fact finding.. we are waiting on section 7 to happen again and waiting on police to do there thing with cps .. Cafcass have said that supervised contact can not happen until they deem it safe to do so because of the allegations against me to the mother which I don’t understand as I don’t feel like I’m gonna get charged and I feel like she might do for the evedience I have and witnesses .. but the way it’s going I don’t feel confident and feel like this could all be a waste of time and money

 

[Ash]

Ok there are a lot of hoops to jump through with family court, and the aim is to have time with your children. So you almost have to be strategic to achieve this. The mantra's are usually - don't say anything negative about the Mother and say things like you just want the children to have happy loving relationships with both parents. There are exceptions where there is serious abuse. Unfortunately Cafcass don't seem to take abuse of a man seriously, but do take abuse of a woman seriously. If Cafcass are doing a section 7 it can be quite slow - maybe three months - but you said it's been 5 months now. Is there a date in the last order by which Cafcass have to present their report.

It's common that they won't order any time, even supervised, all the while a case is still open with the CPS - until you get NFA (no further action) from the Police.

So what is with the CPS right now? Her allegations against you or yours against her?

 

[Sidaggers]

Yer that’s crazy I’ve literally had the ex starting arguments in front of the kids hitting me in the car and they don’t seem to be interested .. I say 5 months but that’s when I filled for court so the first hearing was last month but not seen my child for 5 months … my allegations to her are with cps and my bail got extended again until 23rd dec … just feels totally wrong how a parent can just be vanished from their child’s life .. even more madness when she moves a new guy straight in and he’s doing the school runs … justice system just doesn’t work it seems and now I am beginning to understand why dads give up

 

[Nanaforsonsjustice]

Yer that’s crazy I’ve literally had the ex starting arguments in front of the kids hitting me in the car and they don’t seem to be interested .. I say 5 months but that’s when I filled for court so the first hearing was last month but not seen my child for 5 months … my allegations to her are with cps and my bail got extended again until 23rd dec … just feels totally wrong how a parent can just be vanished from their child’s life .. even more madness when she moves a new guy straight in and he’s doing the school runs … justice system just doesn’t work it seems and now I am beginning to understand why dads give up

Don’t give up what ever you do.

My son was arrested nearly a year ago for alleged domestic abuse, he made counter allegations. He was NFA’d by police as she had no evidence and he could show she was lying. The case against her for domestic abuse was also NFA’d by the police unfortunately but that was mainly because the statutory time limits expired after 6 months and the police are very slow to investigate round here.

He didn’t see his son for 5 months until the first court hearing, he was then given 2 hrs a week supervised in a family centre. She wanted a fact find, he didn’t because he didn’t want the delay. After filing all statements and evidence for the fact find, there was a direction hearing and she decided on the advice of her barrister not to go for fact find as they had no evidence and my son had loads of evidence to show he was a victim and prove she was lying about the allegations she made. He was then at this hearing given weekly spends time with access to his son, progressing to overnight once a week, but she would only agree to exactly 24hrs. He accepted this because it was better than family centre. Cafcass did a s.7 and said the domestic abuse allegations were irrelevant, he’s a good dad and recommended a shared care order progressing to 5050 in 16 months time. Unfortunately at the last hearing she objected to everything cafcass recommended so it’s now gone to a final hearing to be heard next year. She wanted him to still only spend 24hrs until final hearing with his son, the court said no so he now has 4 nights in 14. The courts normally go with Cafcass recommendations so fingers crossed.

Anyhow, as in my son’s case it is possible to get at least a recommendation of 5050 shared care despite police involvement. Cafcass even said the only concern is high conflict between the parents but still recommended 5050 shared care, so there is hope.

What evidence did they put forward for the ABH and in interview did you go no comment or answer questions?

 

[Sidaggers]

I did answer questions but can’t remember exactly what I said as I was awake for 24hrs … I denied the threats to kill
.. I put forward to the police videos of her shouting and attacking me and I have 2 pictures of black eyes .. the videos don’t show her hitting me but you can see her in it and her hitting me and I clearly say you cut me open and her saying good

 

[Nanaforsonsjustice]

I did answer questions but can’t remember exactly what I said as I was awake for 24hrs … I denied the threats to kill
.. I put forward to the police videos of her shouting and attacking me and I have 2 pictures of black eyes .. the videos don’t show her hitting me but you can see her in it and her hitting me and I clearly say you cut me open and her saying good

Were you represented at police station by a solicitor?

Your evidence that you provided will go on the file against her, so when it is case directs by a Sgt they will see that there is undermining evidence and she can be seen as an aggressor which is sometimes enough for no further action to be taken by the police.

 

[Otomakas]

Desperate for Support and Advice—Feeling Lost.

Hey everyone,

I’m writing this post with the help of AI because I’m so stressed and mentally drained that I can’t even string sentences together. I feel completely lost and overwhelmed by my situation, and I’m hoping someone out there can offer guidance or support.

Eight years ago, my ex-partner and I separated. We had an agreement for me to have our son on weekends, and things were going fine until one day, she refused to let me see him. I wasn’t aggressive, just upset, but she threatened to call the police if I didn’t leave.

She later accused me of harassment, which wasn’t true, and served court papers to gain sole custody of our son. She made countless false claims about me being a bad parent and a danger to our son. I couldn’t afford legal representation, so I defended myself, presenting evidence of her toxic behavior, dishonesty, and poor living conditions.

At the hearing, the judge heard her side, then mine. She kept interrupting and arguing while I spoke, which looked bad for her. The judge ended the hearing abruptly after only a few minutes. I didn’t fully understand what was happening and was too stressed to process the outcome.

Later, I received the court’s decision in writing, but I was so overwhelmed that I couldn’t comprehend it. My ex called and convinced me that the ruling was in her favor. I believed her, thinking I had lost any chance to see my son.

For nearly eight years, I’ve been paying child maintenance while being denied access to my son. Recently, I revisited the court documents and discovered that the ruling *wasn’t* in her favor. I’ve had the legal right to see my son all this time, but I haven’t. This realization hit me like a ton of bricks—I’ve lost so many years with my child because of her lies.

Throughout this, I’ve been battling severe depression. My mum passed away during this time, which broke me further. I took extended sick leave from work but didn’t inform the CSA because I thought they already knew through my employer. When I eventually started a lower-paying job, the CSA contacted me, claiming I owed arrears for the time I was off. They refused to adjust the payments, and now 20% of my income goes to maintenance. I’m barely making ends meet.

Adding to this, my ex has been manipulating my son, brainwashing him into thinking I’m a bad person. Her dishonesty knows no bounds—when we broke up, she even faked a pregnancy to try to get a reaction out of me. She later admitted she lied and laughed about it.

I feel like I’m drowning. I miss my son desperately, but the financial, emotional, and mental strain is unbearable. I don’t know where to turn or how to move forward.

If anyone has been through something similar or can offer advice, I’d be so grateful. I just want to be a part of my son’s life again and find a way out of this dark place.

There is so much more to the story but I hope I've provided the most important bits

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

 

[Lester]

Desperate for Support and Advice—Feeling Lost.

Hey everyone,

I’m writing this post with the help of AI because I’m so stressed and mentally drained that I can’t even string sentences together. I feel completely lost and overwhelmed by my situation, and I’m hoping someone out there can offer guidance or support.

Eight years ago, my ex-partner and I separated. We had an agreement for me to have our son on weekends, and things were going fine until one day, she refused to let me see him. I wasn’t aggressive, just upset, but she threatened to call the police if I didn’t leave.

She later accused me of harassment, which wasn’t true, and served court papers to gain sole custody of our son. She made countless false claims about me being a bad parent and a danger to our son. I couldn’t afford legal representation, so I defended myself, presenting evidence of her toxic behavior, dishonesty, and poor living conditions.

At the hearing, the judge heard her side, then mine. She kept interrupting and arguing while I spoke, which looked bad for her. The judge ended the hearing abruptly after only a few minutes. I didn’t fully understand what was happening and was too stressed to process the outcome.

Later, I received the court’s decision in writing, but I was so overwhelmed that I couldn’t comprehend it. My ex called and convinced me that the ruling was in her favor. I believed her, thinking I had lost any chance to see my son.

For nearly eight years, I’ve been paying child maintenance while being denied access to my son. Recently, I revisited the court documents and discovered that the ruling *wasn’t* in her favor. I’ve had the legal right to see my son all this time, but I haven’t. This realization hit me like a ton of bricks—I’ve lost so many years with my child because of her lies.

Throughout this, I’ve been battling severe depression. My mum passed away during this time, which broke me further. I took extended sick leave from work but didn’t inform the CSA because I thought they already knew through my employer. When I eventually started a lower-paying job, the CSA contacted me, claiming I owed arrears for the time I was off. They refused to adjust the payments, and now 20% of my income goes to maintenance. I’m barely making ends meet.

Adding to this, my ex has been manipulating my son, brainwashing him into thinking I’m a bad person. Her dishonesty knows no bounds—when we broke up, she even faked a pregnancy to try to get a reaction out of me. She later admitted she lied and laughed about it.

I feel like I’m drowning. I miss my son desperately, but the financial, emotional, and mental strain is unbearable. I don’t know where to turn or how to move forward.

If anyone has been through something similar or can offer advice, I’d be so grateful. I just want to be a part of my son’s life again and find a way out of this dark place.

There is so much more to the story but I hope I've provided the most important bits

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Oh my. I have no advice only sympathy. I thought I had it bad but my situation is no way as severe as yours. I feel for you bro. Sending you a virtual hug

 

[Otomakas]

Oh my. I have no advice only sympathy. I thought I had it bad but my situation is no way as severe as yours. I feel for you bro. Sending you a virtual hug

Thank you.

It's been difficult. Some good days, some bad days. I'm trying to keep myself busy to build a side hustle to make ends meet.

I'm stuck on understanding what my rights are and where to turn for advice.
Surely there must be a process to be able to straighten out the CSA payments. They're collecting money from me which I haven't even made.
I can't quite fathom how that's right ethically. CSA were quiet to contact me when my income dropped dramatically but when income goes up they're on you almost instantly.

I feel that the process completely takes advantage of fathers (and mothers) who are completely oblivious to the process and just accept it for what it is.

 

[Otomakas]

Were you represented at police station by a solicitor?

Your evidence that you provided will go on the file against her, so when it is case directs by a Sgt they will see that there is undermining evidence and she can be seen as an aggressor which is sometimes enough for no further action to be taken by the police.

I wasn't taken to a police station. I was just warned to stay away.
I dared go back in fear that she would escalate the claims that I'm harassing her.

Her filing for sole custody of our Son was seperate from her calling the police on me.
She fabricated a case that I was unfit as a parent and included me "harassing" her when I went to collect our Son which we had agreed upon.

 

[Otomakas]

I wasn't taken to a police station. I was just warned to stay away.
I dared go back in fear that she would escalate the claims that I'm harassing her.

Her filing for sole custody of our Son was seperate from her calling the police on me.
She fabricated a case that I was unfit as a parent and included me "harassing" her when I went to collect our Son which we had agreed upon.

Sorry ignore, I thought this was from my thread.