8th CAFCASS Officer in 3 Proceedings - Refusing to meet and discuss my concerns (applicant)

[bodaddy]

Hi, I am on my 3rd proceedings as the applicant (2019, 2021, 2025)

I have evidenced to the court my many civil attempts to avoid court and appeal to Mother to honour her word (yes to 5050 in 2018) and promises to the court in 19 and 21 to increase the time, as well as daughter's (9) "3 Houses" exercise in March 2024 with CS and School - her dream is "equal days mum and dad"

I should have taken her to court straight away but made efforts to appeal to her, her reply and reasons were 100% AI written and no mention of abuse.

August 8, 2024 - the last time our daughter was her true self, after 2 weeks' holiday with me I handed over a very happy and very confident young lady (no anxiety, no more need to be accompanied to the toilet, wanted to do MMA)

August 22, 2024 - after 2 weeks with Mother, she returned a shadow of her former self, anxious, irrationally missing Mummy when Mummy was standing next to her. So began 3 months of absolute hell - I would collect my daughter, and she would be happy for a couple of hours only to go into a trance, irrationally missing Mum, begging and pleading to go back, hysterical, acting like a junkie "I promise I will be nice to you tomorrow and stay if you let me go back" - we are talking Exorcist like screaming and behaviour til 10/11 pm, I sent her back to ease her comfort and I suspected Mum was drugging her.

I recently found out daughter's half-brother was born a heroin addict. Mum told CAFCASS and court she's never taken drugs. Suddenly I remembered 4 concerned Mums asking if Mum smoked smack/crack.

Fast forward to today: S7 author left CAFCASS halfway through the investigation (as did 2019 one) - We met for 90m, which was supposed to be 2hrs but "it's my birthday and I have plans" - she did nothing but list ex's allegations (always made after I apply to court!) - refused the evidence I had with me to refute - and said it's my turn to talk next time......booked a 30m "follow up call" - I protested and she extended the meeting to 1hr, then went off sick never to return.

The new officer refuses to meet, refuses evidence saying both parents were seen, and it's over.

Daughter has told me many times Mum says she can't stay, not allowed. Mum has confused her many times saying she is getting her on my day and vice versa. Lies to school etc, daughter has an EH SW via CS - who so far seems fair, but Daughter's voice is hijacked, wants to see me a bit and stay "one day"

BONUS BALL - The service manager is the same guy who I questioned on the stand in 2021 - he refuted my evidence, Nielsen & Warshak report stating "Men are the same as women, women can be fathers, men can be mothers" - parroting the lead Magistrate who said it was sexist and discriminating!

Local office waiting room is littered with Trans Kids, LBGT propaganda

So....I know in my heart these demons don't like me because I am a straight White male who doesn't hate himself or his ancestors, and they are ignoring PA, which I have documented very well/

Thanks for reading, advice appreciated!

 

[Resolute]

Thank you for letting us know what is going on. It is heartbreaking. You are a pillar of strength and love. I am truly amazed that you are still in this fight.

The major piece of advice I have is keep doing what you are doing and please recognise how incredibly you've done so far.

When I started out on my family law journey I linked up with somebody who has acted as a kind of mentor. He listened, understood, and kept me sane. One of the points that will always stick with me is him saying that we are the 5%. Most men who are truly up against it fall by the wayside. Getting to the end of proceedings against opposition willing to use any means is an enormous victory. Getting through what is detailed above makes you an extremely rare specimen. You have already beat the odds.

My experience includes parts of what you mention above:

irrationally missing Mummy when Mummy was standing next to her.

her dream is "equal days mum and dad"

only to go into a trance

Only had this one twice, it is scary af

Mum has confused her many times saying she is getting her on my day and vice versa. Lies to school etc,

I think your daughter is having normal, healthy responses to an utterly insane situation created by your ex. I think your ex is using the same arsenal as so many other demons who abuse family court and associated services. To me, staying in the game is the victory. Without all the success you've had so far, your daughter would already have forgotten you. You've done 7 years. Keep going for another 4 and your ex will be a failure.

Although I've experienced some of what you write about, I have only come to the brink of what you are experiencing and then recovered (touch ). This may be about to change as my ex is using our child's pre-pubescence as her cue to start murmurs about sexual impropriety. It may well be that with all your experience, I should be asking you for advice.

But here are a few bits I hope might be useful:

1. When your daughter starts feeling anxious/upset about being away from your ex, do everything possible to normalise her feelings. This is counter-intuitive, but I have found the solution involves giving permission for the problem. Trying to correct or fix just makes things much worse.
2. Read all you can about alienation. Not so you can make allegations against your ex stick by convincing court and social services. Purely with the aim of understanding what a child in that situation is going through and what they need from you.
3. Never retaliate. Your ex's methods are despicable. I constantly have to remind myself to keep my resentment and hatred for my ex parked a long way away from my child. Simple example, child is excited about something coming up with my ex - I struggle to share the excitement and enthusiasm because my ex is denying me equivalent joyousness. But, not sharing the child's hopeful anticipation is doing exactly what my ex is guilty of. It is me denying and excluding the child's other parent.
4. Get into therapy. Share all of what you are going through, and the impact it is having on you, and the efforts you are making, and the concerns you hold. This might turn out to be good for you. Regardless of that, it makes an independent professional record of what is going on. I suggest you choose a therapist that also works with children. This would mean you have an informed sounding board for the things you are dealing with.
5. Always step back. When you are confronted by a testing situation, take time, sleep on it. Often the first impulse I feel when dealing with my ex's behaviour is exactly what she wants me to do, the knee jerk reaction almost always serves her plan. Taking time to develop my response from all the available options has worked wonders for me.
6. Bring stuff to this forum. There are others who are dealing with similar torture. Many here have remarkable stories and invaluable insight.

I hope a little something from what I have written might be useful. I claim no expertise, it really is just my attempt to share some of what I rely upon to survive.

 

[Resolute]

The new officer refuses to meet, refuses evidence saying both parents were seen, and it's over.

Have you written to the Cafcass manager saying that the previous officer cut conversation short and undertook to speak again?

Do you have what the new officer has told you in writing? If not, I would include it in message to the manager as a record.