14yo wants to void a child arrangement order

[Cameron70]

My incredibly independent, articulate and world-wise 14yo wants to change our 10-year running CAO by leaving her mothers. Things are not going well to put it mildly….

They’re more competent than most adults so would easily demonstrate gillick competency, but if she kept on leaving, they can’t be held hostage, and would just vote with her feet every time by the sounds of it…

Where do I stand when my child arrives on my doorstep unannounced with a bag.

 

[Ash]

At 14 I don't think the court would do much about it to be honest. When is she 15?

 

[Cameron70]

Gillick competency however, can be considered or applied from 12….

 

[Ash]

Well yes but who with?

 

[Ash]

What I mean is, if she turned up with a bag, the Police aren't going to make her go back.

 

[Cameron70]

That’s my thinking, it’d put me in a position where I’d have to act….

 

[Ash]

How do you mean you'd have to act? You dont have to do anything.

 

[Cameron70]

As in, I’d have to address the problem and tell her mum that the CAO is dead.

That’d go down like a lead balloon

 

[Ash]

Your daughter can tell her. Has your daughter said whether she would still visit her Mum regularly? That should be encouraged even if she's living with you - unless your daughter has been having a bad experience at ex's and wants out.

If you tell your ex, your ex will put pressure on your daughter and your daughter may not thank you for discussing with ex instead of with her. Listen to your daughter. It's her choice and you need to support your daughter, not your ex. But you could talk to your daughter and say of course you can live here if you want - I think you should still see Mum sometimes - what do you think? And see what she says.

Have you got any other kids?

 

[mva]

If your Daughter moved into yours, your ex would have to put in for a breach of CAO. When it got heard just explain that daughter moved to yours and refused to move back to mums. A wishes and feelings report would support that. I’d also encourage your daughter to see mum , and if your ex sends correspondence explain this is what you’ve done.

 

[Ash]

Better she gets settled at yours before GCSE year gets underway.

 

[Cameron70]

I’d certainly be encouraging her to visit mum, but with the proviso that no further harassment and coercion follows or my daughter will inevitably go no contact. She’s hard headed and would possibly do that,

 

[Cameron70]

Your daughter can tell her. Has your daughter said whether she would still visit her Mum regularly? That should be encouraged even if she's living with you - unless your daughter has been having a bad experience at ex's and wants out.

If you tell your ex, your ex will put pressure on your daughter and your daughter may not thank you for discussing with ex instead of with her. Listen to your daughter. It's her choice and you need to support your daughter, not your ex. But you could talk to your daughter and say of course you can live here if you want - I think you should still see Mum sometimes - what do you think? And see what she says.

Have you got any other kids?

No others here, but there’s another child with new hubby there whose 6

 

[Ash]

That's maybe why your daughter wants to move in with you. Not happy with the set up at Ex's. She might feel a bit pushed out. What is the current arrangement with your ex and is it in a court order?

 

[Peanut 21]

If your daughter moves in and the ex applies to court, by the time it gets to a hearing your daughter may be nearer 15 and the court won't get involved.
This would be when I'd look for a therapist/school counsellor for your daughter to process what's going on in her life.
You sound reasonable and fair as you're showing some sympathy to your ex. But I bet she wouldn't show it to you. So welcome your daughter with open arms.
Court Orders from family court aren't the same as criminal court orders. So don't worry about breaking it.