10 Years Of Breaches, What next?

[1man.vs.a.corrupt.system]

firstly thank you for letting me join the forums,

I have been going through the family court process for around 10 years now.
Throughout these years I as a non-resident parent have had to apply to the courts Numerous times for the order to be enforced as the resident parent is limiting contact and not following the court order.

Each time another order is made, and yet again the resident parent breaches the court order.
Again I go back to court apply for enforcement of the order. The order is varied and they don’t do anything about the breaches. The only question I was asked was do you really want to send her to prison?

The resident parent (mother) is a full blown narcissist she tried to manipulate my son. That didn’t work, so now she’s moved on to my daughter
.

When my daughter is here, she’s absolutely fine, no issues whatsoever however, as soon as she goes back to mother, those behaviour issues and issues that then mother believes she will stop contact.

How can you prove the narcissistic behaviour is harming the children’s mental health

My daughter is now decided apparently she doesn’t want to come to my house anymore however on last contact she refused to go back to her mum It just all doesn’t make sense.

I’ve been doing this for 10 years now where is the light at the end of the tunnel?

Furthermore the mother will not talk to me either via phone call text or face-to-face she will use the children to communicate through them to me what’s happening.

I cannot see how going back to court again is beneficial on any part as a soon as the court is notified of the breach and they notify her of the expected court hearing she stopped contact instantly.

In total over the 10 years we are in excess of 100 breaches of the court order and yet I’m still the one having to fight through this corrupt system.

 

[Ash]

Hi. I'm really sorry to hear this. How old are the kids now if it's been 10 years of court? They will be older than 10 obviously.

It sounds like something more robust needed to be done at earlier enforcements. After three enforcements you could have applied for residency or asked for a suspended residence order. If that wasn't an option/didn't work then the only other thing is a penal notice - which presumably you have if they said "do you really want to send her to prison?".

I hear you as my ex was like this as well. Depending on the ages of the kids now, it probably isn't worth going back to court. What I did after my son turned 11 or 12 was always say - the door is always open, you can come here whenever you want (ex had told him he could decide for himself now he was older, but they can't can they?). I sort of lost him a bit by age 14, but he then moved in when he was 15.

How old is your daughter? They cause so much damage these ex's who manipulate and harm kids.

The system does indeed have a lot of flaws - however, ultimately, it's your ex manipulating the system. They can't seem to handle narcissistic exes or don't get it.

 

[1man.vs.a.corrupt.system]

9 and 11

I didnt know she was pregnant with my daughter.

Ive asked at every breach to consider the move of the main residence to me, but the judges just don't listen, she plays a good narcissistic person.

Penal notice was attached after 2nd breach, they do absolutely nothing.

My son whos 11 is desperate to come here but worries about his sister obviously because he can see what his 'mother' is doing.

Like if i didnt return them, id be the one getting arrested or such

And its the constant form filling and waiting for a hearing date is long, and while thats happens i guarantee she would stop all contact.

Ive never experienced such a flawed inept system than family court.

 

[Ash]

It does seem a bit quicker these days. So what is the current situation - is she actually following the order and manipulating the kids, or is she breaching it? Have you had any representation or been doing it yourself. It's a bit late for a suspended residence order. It would be tricky to try and apply to send her to prison now without evidence of harm to the kids, due to their ages. As you know, once they get to 11 or 12, Cafcass take the child's wishes verbatim usually and if you did apply to court your ex would no doubt pressurise your 11 year old to say what she wants. But you have a 9 year old as well. Having said that, 11 year olds still need care and parents. Is he just 11 or nearly 12?

Is your current order "lives with both parents" or "lives with Mother", because after all those breaches, you should at least have "lives with both parents" by now (which would have been a deterrant to your ex as a breach of a "lives with both" order would be taken more seriously.

What is your current order for? 5 nights a fortnight and half the holidays? How far do you live from the kids? At a distance or nearby? If it's distance it's harder to get Change of Residency.

 

[1man.vs.a.corrupt.system]

Follows when she wants and suites her. And manipulation massively.

Told me she's going to breach so i dont get another Christmas with my kids.

Had both representative and self at times

I have no interest in wanting her to do time. I just want to see my kids .

She could try and pressure the 11 yr old but he's a strong minded lad. Nearly 12.

9 yr old is like a sponge to her mums talk and behaviour .

Order is lives with mother .

Latest order dropped my contact as she was pleading financial and loads of other stuff which i proved was all lies but the judge ignored .

Last order lasted 3 weeks before she breached again!

Shes down south im in Midlands.

What's getting me the most is watching the emotional and financial abuse she is putting on the kids. At what point for there mental health can and will it stop?

Its all a game to her, the whole thing.

 

[Ash]

Ok so the distsance means you can't do midweek overnights. It's very common for ex's to breach EOW week-end orders when there is distance. As you will know, you can't enforce the Christmas arrangements as they haven't actually been breached yet.

So are you getting every other week-end and is she "sometimes" following it?

Courts are very wary of changing residency when the kids live with the Mother most of the time - ie only with you fortnightly. That is the issue. And without some really strong evidence of what she's doing to the kids (which is very hard to get, expensive and time consuming), it would be hard to go for a change of residency just based on breaches. By 11 or 12 she can use the excuse that kids have plans and want to do something else that week-end. I had to go along with that for a couple of years just glad of any time I got at all (when son was 13 or 14). You do at least have half the holidays which should help and if she's breaching the holidays you're in a stronger position, if you have kept things in writing and can show how disruptive she's being. Emails and texts can be good evidence providing hers are stroppy, difficult and obstructive, and yours are whiter than white, polite and reasonable.

Have there been any Judgements made so far? If so those can be useful for an application. One route could be to apply for shared care at a distance - either term time with her and 3 week-ends in four and extra holidays with you (there is caselaw for this but it's not common) or vice versa.

Do you have any evidence of her manipulating the kids. Eg a hostile message from one of the kids?

I think you'd have a chance if you have a good direct access barrister for hearings.

You need to get the wording right sometimes with applications and arguments. One good line is "the Mother is unwilling or unable to comply with court orders".