DRA Advice

Hi All,

Looking for some advice on how to approach the next hearing.

Brief history of my case. I have been arrested 3 times during our relationship, once after our daughter was born. Last arrest in Sep 2022 led to our daughter being placed in Child protection plan. Contact was very rare during that period and I was successfully assessed by child services to have unsupervised contact and was allowed to move back into the family home in Nov 2023. Couples counselling was suggested and I had to give an undertaking that if conflict arises, I have to move out of the FMH. Child services closed their case in April 2024.

Conflict still existed in the relationship and I was asked to leave the family home in July 2024. So I moved out and filed for c100. When my ex knew about this she planned to move to a non hague convention country( our homeland). I got a PSO in Aug 2024 and was able to stop her from moving.

FHDRA in Oct where a section 7 was ordered and contact until DRA to be guided by social services. Social services started contact with 3 hrs on a Tuesday and 5 hrs on a Saturday in third week of Dec 2024. Section 7 report came out positive recommending 50:50 week on week off because of domestic abuse allegations. Nursery has reported positively about me. After every contact session mother made several allegations like I shouted at my daughter, didn’t change nappies, fed her junk food, child returning hungry and tired, I was abusing the mother during handovers. I had one overnight last week and mother called social care claiming I have hit my daughter. Social care went to the nursery next day and my daughter denied it.

DRA today didn’t go well. Judge had a go at the social worker for recommending 50:50. My daughter will be 4 in March. Judge said the child is too little to adjust to such a big change and questioned the reasoning for suggesting 50:50 when mother has been the sole carer since 2022. Judge also said that the child needs a primary home and can’t be changing homes every week.

Another DRA listed for March with a new recommendation ordered before the hearing. Good thing is overnight still in place even after the allegations.

I will be very grateful if you could offer suggestions on how to approach this. I have to go for 50:50 as I think that the false allegations will never stop and I will slowly be pushed away from my daughter’s life otherwise. Thanks in advance.

I can see that's a worry but if there are false allegations then the question arises as to whether they have been effectively and finally dealt with.

I would ask everyone else here whether because of the past history of arrests and the allegations your stbx is making now, whether a fact finding is necessary before this moves on.

If the judge is saying that 50 /50 can't work at age 4, then pehaps it's best to arrange handovers to take place in BS public place and agrees on two weekends a month and split holidays. That does not mean that you give up on 50/50 for good, just that you will put it aside until for now. Residence with mum and settled time spent might work for now and if necessary you can seek to amend the order later on.

sunny109 said:

Hi All,

Looking for some advice on how to approach the next hearing.

Brief history of my case. I have been arrested 3 times during our relationship, once after our daughter was born. Last arrest in Sep 2022 led to our daughter being placed in Child protection plan. Contact was very rare during that period and I was successfully assessed by child services to have unsupervised contact and was allowed to move back into the family home in Nov 2023. Couples counselling was suggested and I had to give an undertaking that if conflict arises, I have to move out of the FMH. Child services closed their case in April 2024.

Conflict still existed in the relationship and I was asked to leave the family home in July 2024. So I moved out and filed for c100. When my ex knew about this she planned to move to a non hague convention country( our homeland). I got a PSO in Aug 2024 and was able to stop her from moving.

FHDRA in Oct where a section 7 was ordered and contact until DRA to be guided by social services. Social services started contact with 3 hrs on a Tuesday and 5 hrs on a Saturday in third week of Dec 2024. Section 7 report came out positive recommending 50:50 week on week off because of domestic abuse allegations. Nursery has reported positively about me. After every contact session mother made several allegations like I shouted at my daughter, didn’t change nappies, fed her junk food, child returning hungry and tired, I was abusing the mother during handovers. I had one overnight last week and mother called social care claiming I have hit my daughter. Social care went to the nursery next day and my daughter denied it.

DRA today didn’t go well. Judge had a go at the social worker for recommending 50:50. My daughter will be 4 in March. Judge said the child is too little to adjust to such a big change and questioned the reasoning for suggesting 50:50 when mother has been the sole carer since 2022. Judge also said that the child needs a primary home and can’t be changing homes every week.

Another DRA listed for March with a new recommendation ordered before the hearing. Good thing is overnight still in place even after the allegations.

I will be very grateful if you could offer suggestions on how to approach this. I have to go for 50:50 as I think that the false allegations will never stop and I will slowly be pushed away from my daughter’s life otherwise. Thanks in advance.

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false allegations never stop, you will always have to keep up a defence. Did you have a barrister? 50/50 is the default starting point, so the judge has rather misdirected themselves. Was this before a district judge or magistrates? Magistrates are notoriously inconsistent and leave themselves open to appeal by the many errors in law that they make.
I would stick with the 50:50 as recommended.

I'd be maintaining your end goal of 50/50 but see if it can be done on a staggered basis.

Start with 2 weekends a month,a midweek dinner every week and half the holidays. Perhaps do this for 6 months.

Then the midweek to become an overnight for 6 months then full 50/50 after a year?

NewcastleBrownAle said:

false allegations never stop, you will always have to keep up a defence. Did you have a barrister? 50/50 is the default starting point, so the judge has rather misdirected themselves. Was this before a district judge or magistrates? Magistrates are notoriously inconsistent and leave themselves open to appeal by the many errors in law that they make.
I would stick with the 50:50 as recommended.

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Hi @NewcastleBrownAle. Thanks for responding. I am LIP accompanied by an Independent Domestic Violence Advisor(IDVA) who is acting as a Mckenzie friend. The hearing was before a circuit S9 Judge. I will most likely get the same judge for the next hearing due to the international element. The s7 report stated 50:50 starting from 3rd week of March. The progression was one overnight per fortnight. The judge asked the social worker why he is recommending 0 overnights to 50:50 in 6 weeks. She was not interested in our allegations. IDVA feels that the Judge is looking for a reason for such a quick progress to 50:50 (i.e., alienation). She asked for another recommendation for the next hearing. Can the social worker back track now because of the Judge's comments?

sunny109 said:

Hi @NewcastleBrownAle. Thanks for responding. I am LIP accompanied by an Independent Domestic Violence Advisor(IDVA) who is acting as a Mckenzie friend. The hearing was before a circuit S9 Judge. I will most likely get the same judge for the next hearing due to the international element. The s7 report stated 50:50 starting from 3rd week of March. The progression was one overnight per fortnight. The judge asked the social worker why he is recommending 0 overnights to 50:50 in 6 weeks. She was not interested in our allegations. IDVA feels that the Judge is looking for a reason for such a quick progress to 50:50 (i.e., alienation). She asked for another recommendation for the next hearing. Can the social worker back track now because of the Judge's comments?

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the progression would depend on many factors, but it is the ultimate outcome that is the most significant, if it takes 6 weeks or 6 months to get to 50:50 it is better than less than half or every other weekend. But from nothing to 50:50 is quite a fast progression, what is the reason for it ?

I have asked for 50:50. Child services were aware of what was going on since 2022. My daughter stated that she misses me. Ex was not against direct contact but opposes 50:50. I don't know the reason for such a quick progression.

Just some thoughts for your consideration.

I would go for progression around the school calendar and your daughter's start at school in September 2025.

Just an example:

Alternate weekends, ending Sunday evening, until September this year. From September, alternate weekends including the Sunday night, and every Wednesday night. From January 26, Tuesday nights added to weeks not with you for weekend. Following Easter 26, Thursday nights are added.

For school year 25-26, half terms shared with handover on Wednesdays. One week with you in both the Christmas and the Easter holidays. Summer holidays 2026 shared week by week - e.g. You-Ex-You-Ex-You-Ex. School year 26-27 school holidays are shared in weekly slots until the Summer. From Summer 27 default holiday sharing starts. It feels wise to give a build-up to the point where each parent gets a 2 week slot in the summer.

End point is:

Wk1 Tues school collection-Fri drop off (3nts)
Wk2 Wed collection-Thu drop off, and
Fri collection-Mon drop off (4nts)

The important point is to get the "lives with both" order and secure the decision on progress to 50/50. It might be necessary to progress even slower than outlined above, people on here have had slower progression.

I would also think about clauses in the order relating to school and address, e.g. child will attend school X, no change absent written consent from both parents or order of the court.

However nice the idea of a fact finding might feel, putting the nonsense to bed once and for all. It will involve significant delay, prolong status quo in her favour, and potentially entrench opposition. If there is a way through without FFH, that would be my preference.

Tactically, I would aim at an approach which gives the court every reason to feel comfortable with the change of status quo. Also, to let them identify you as the reasonable party. You accommodate in order to show that she will not. You need her to look unreasonable before the court will give her what for.

Final thoughts:

1. If your case is not explicitly "reserved" in the order, it probably won't go back to the same judge. Your strategy may change if you are getting a different judge.

2. These arguments would be much better made by a barrister than a Litigant in Person. However well you present, as a litigant, you are not in best position to get the win. To me, it is like trying to play pool with a hockey stick.

3. I fear you are likely to have more allegations whatever you do.

Thanks @Resolute for the detailed reply. I wanted a progressive order ultimately leading to 50:50. At some point the judge made a comment like why 50:50 why not 4 nights and a tea time per fortnight to the social worker. She wanted to know the reason why he made that decision. If the social worker backs down and reduces time in the next report would a barrister be able to get the 50:50 order.

My ex wanted me to have 2 nights per fortnight and half of the holidays intially and then just before the hearing made an allegation and said only supervised contact. I had my overnight today. I went to pick her up at the nursery and she started saying no and got upset. I gave her a cuddle and calmed her down. When I asked her why she was upset she said mummy said she will disappear as you are not coming back home. That felt awful. To put a 4 year old through that is disgusting. I don’t know if I can raise that with the social worker. She said it in the nursery but no one was present at the time.