I thought I'd post my results.
Background
Lack of flexibility and unfairness in levels of contact with children. I had 4 in 14 (1 weeknight and every other fri+sat night); I went to court asking for 7 in 14 both term time and holidays.
The process took nearly 9 months of mediation and 18 months to get to final hearing; by the final hearing, the current status had been in place for over 3 years, so I was hoping for but not expecting miracles.
Process
A right muddle by the courts and cafcass. Cafcass tried to avoid having to do a report in the FHDRA, but they were called back after the DRA hearing and told they had to do a report. This meant the DRA was a bit of a waste of time. FH was three magistrates; far too summary a process, and, once the cafcass examination was complete, limited time allowed for cross examination – limited to 10 minutes!
I took the strategy of self-representing until the final hearing, as I wasn’t expecting any voluntary movement; Direct Access Barrister for the final hearing.
Cafcass
No accusations of any substance; just the "I'm the better parent" story. Children were loud and clear they wanted more time with Dad but were nervous about committing to change. Talking with the children about what they said, it appears that there was minor watering down of their views away from Dad's and towards Mum's favour by Cafcass - but nothing that would spin the case. Cafcass was recommending no order and no change, but with flexibility over an additional 2/14 (midweek). The report was provided on time but only a few days before the final hearing, which meant we were pretty much committed.
I had two main issues with the recommendation: 1) the missing 1/14 was a Sunday night that I wanted flexibility on; 2) fear that flexibility might be notional if there was no order for a change to the set-up (whether through inertia or active discouragement).
Outcome
There was an order for 4/14, 50:50 holidays with recitals to follow the children's wishes on an additional 3/14, including the Sunday night (that was additional to the Cafcass recommendation).
Whilst this doesn’t mandate a significant change to the current setup, I'm quite sanguine about the result as it gives a route to something resembling 50:50. The voice of the children was loud and clear that they wanted flexibility such that it could start to happen - when this does, that will be the real victory, rather than the exact words on the court order.
The next steps are in the children’s hands for them to start to enjoy this flexibility and, hopefully, a more balanced role of both parents. My oldest takes the bus every day to school, so its easy for him to get off at mine when he wants; the challenge now is going to be getting sustained momentum behind changing long-established routines.
Biggest mistake
Three years ago, the financial hearings were already underway; I did not have the emotional energy to fight two battles at once. The right strategy should have been to get the C100 in at the very very start of the process before she triggered the Form A1 (financial proceedings). Meanwhile, I was naive in thinking / hoping that we would be able to sort it all amicably - it has been a long and slow way back from that mistake.
Fathers having to fight for fairness puts a massive toll on the children. The children have been aware of the process and the stresses involved. I would love to see a change in the default assumption that both parents have a right to 50:50 with the children unless there are very good reasons not to - rather than having to spend years fighting for anything that resembles this. Years fighting even when there are no accusations or other issues, by which time they are fighting against a status quo.
Background
Lack of flexibility and unfairness in levels of contact with children. I had 4 in 14 (1 weeknight and every other fri+sat night); I went to court asking for 7 in 14 both term time and holidays.
The process took nearly 9 months of mediation and 18 months to get to final hearing; by the final hearing, the current status had been in place for over 3 years, so I was hoping for but not expecting miracles.
Process
A right muddle by the courts and cafcass. Cafcass tried to avoid having to do a report in the FHDRA, but they were called back after the DRA hearing and told they had to do a report. This meant the DRA was a bit of a waste of time. FH was three magistrates; far too summary a process, and, once the cafcass examination was complete, limited time allowed for cross examination – limited to 10 minutes!
I took the strategy of self-representing until the final hearing, as I wasn’t expecting any voluntary movement; Direct Access Barrister for the final hearing.
Cafcass
No accusations of any substance; just the "I'm the better parent" story. Children were loud and clear they wanted more time with Dad but were nervous about committing to change. Talking with the children about what they said, it appears that there was minor watering down of their views away from Dad's and towards Mum's favour by Cafcass - but nothing that would spin the case. Cafcass was recommending no order and no change, but with flexibility over an additional 2/14 (midweek). The report was provided on time but only a few days before the final hearing, which meant we were pretty much committed.
I had two main issues with the recommendation: 1) the missing 1/14 was a Sunday night that I wanted flexibility on; 2) fear that flexibility might be notional if there was no order for a change to the set-up (whether through inertia or active discouragement).
Outcome
There was an order for 4/14, 50:50 holidays with recitals to follow the children's wishes on an additional 3/14, including the Sunday night (that was additional to the Cafcass recommendation).
Whilst this doesn’t mandate a significant change to the current setup, I'm quite sanguine about the result as it gives a route to something resembling 50:50. The voice of the children was loud and clear that they wanted flexibility such that it could start to happen - when this does, that will be the real victory, rather than the exact words on the court order.
The next steps are in the children’s hands for them to start to enjoy this flexibility and, hopefully, a more balanced role of both parents. My oldest takes the bus every day to school, so its easy for him to get off at mine when he wants; the challenge now is going to be getting sustained momentum behind changing long-established routines.
Biggest mistake
Three years ago, the financial hearings were already underway; I did not have the emotional energy to fight two battles at once. The right strategy should have been to get the C100 in at the very very start of the process before she triggered the Form A1 (financial proceedings). Meanwhile, I was naive in thinking / hoping that we would be able to sort it all amicably - it has been a long and slow way back from that mistake.
Fathers having to fight for fairness puts a massive toll on the children. The children have been aware of the process and the stresses involved. I would love to see a change in the default assumption that both parents have a right to 50:50 with the children unless there are very good reasons not to - rather than having to spend years fighting for anything that resembles this. Years fighting even when there are no accusations or other issues, by which time they are fighting against a status quo.
