Comment

It is not as straightforward as 50/50 at the time of separation, I agree that the system needs an overhaul, however I feel that begins with an understanding of many issues that surround separation when children are involved.

I am a mother of children who separated from their father. For many years in the lead up to our separation he struggled with alcohol and drug problems and in the end obtained a criminal record as he became heavily involved with dealing Class A Drugs. Fortunately for him he was not caught with the drugs but instead the money for their supply and avoided a custodial sentence... when he was dealing with the drugs he was not concerned for the victims in his acts which inevitably became the children and myself who were most directly impacted.

I fled the fallout of the abuse and repercussions with the children and faced the consequences of doing so, the abuse and 'Blame' towards myself for he's own actions was constant and his narcissism and lack of responsibility for his own actions left me with no choice but to eliminate him from the children's lives due to his un-willingless to accept accountability or responsibility.

He was also unwilling to engage with the system that was enabling him the ability to see the children unless on his own terms, it's very easy for any father to play the victim card in an instance like our case as it is perceived that the Mother is alienating the father from the children, however there are often wider reasons why 50/50 is not an option and other agencies will advise that it is better that the father does not have engagement with the children unless supervised.

This is not a path a wanted our children to follow and the constant external judgement that I faced for a situation viewed as 'Black and white' by the Systems and authorities was and is woeful at times... anyone who has been caught up in Social Services/ The police/ C.I.N orders will fully understand that there is an immense lack of understanding at the forefront of society and it's authorities and it is only via exposure over the pandemic that it has come further into the media spotlight.


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